Future...

What's life actually?i have a course in my school tells me something very meaningful n realistic..

He the lecturer ask everyone ,"Now all of u students are in a school learning now,let me ask u all 1 simple question,is this country really is u wanted so long?"

Thats a very very good question and i actually start to think about it!

some of u study painting,lecturer,teacher,doctor,o whatever..but after all the studying,whoever who do the job related to your studies only 1/4 as i mention just now!
maybe this is the recycle of the life and the nature of people(my theory)..

Now let me ask you..
"My friends,if u are studying right now,is this u really wan to study?or just being force by your parents o whatever situation u have right now..follow your heart..follow your intinct..follow your six sense and study your beloved subject that u really wanted..no matter it takes how long to achieved your goal..but 1 day it will acomplished and u get what u wished.."

Actually that's saying me as well..i started to ask myself in my heart..
is this what i wanted so long..?
is this what i choose forever..?
is this the real choice..?
i waited so long to graduate from my primary,secondary n high school just to simply choose my uni o college..?

maybe i'm just a small kid compare to others because i don't have the sense of danger on my future that will continue to what steps..

it's really a hard decission to make as many wall's appear in front of me..
money's problem as i'm wasting my parents money if i don't make a choice once and for all..
parent's problem also as they start to worry of my future and short of money..
self problem as i don't make a choice that is good between money and parents..plus i not dare to discuss with my parents expectually my father who is veri strict from the beginning..
the most important is i even not yet earning for money and already spend thousands o more!
i'm still a kid who pass my hands to my parents and say,"ma,giv me money." "pa,why u give me de money so little de?"

goddamn mother fxxker for myself that i still have the same thought now but thinking of the future that how do i supposed to earn back the money they gave to me for the pass few years!?

i've spend too much ever since i was born and my growing process that's make me think i owe my parents..but for real i really owe them..lol..

So back to the real thing,i'm hesitate very hard to think about my future but there's no solution in my heart also..

i decided to wait for any 1 month to choose whatever that i'm going to other places o stay at here..

Choice..
Choose..
Future..
Parents..
Money..
Friends..
Loves..

All this thing suddenly BANG into my head makes me feel like im deperate for help and hope for someone who can pull me from the falling deep graveyard who has holes in it..

Hope for someone who can pull me from this world feel with miserable and also lonely..